Get Up And Walk

October was "Pastor Appreciation Month"

Although October always seems to be a very busy month for our church, they always remember to do something, even if it's in November - like this year!

However, Pastors' spouses can sometimes be the most unappreciated people.

I was thinking about this just the other day, as I thought of some past experiences and friends in the ministry.

I've been blessed enough to have some great friends and church family that remember my kids and I during Pastor Appreciation for the past 8 1/2 years. Cards, gifts, food for my family, cash to take on a Ladies Retreat!

Not all are as fortunate, and I must admit, there have been times in our ministry when I felt sorry for myself or my kids because we had seemingly been 'forgotten.'

As the spouse of a pastor, we share our mate with literally everyone. Church members, church 'attenders,' people that show up at our doors at all hours, neighbors who have no pastor of their own. 

We share them with jails, hospitals, and funeral homes.  There are even occasions when we sense that someone may even have a crush on our spouse, and although we know it would never be reciprocated, it doesn't make it any easier to fellowship with the 'would-be-Jezebel or Don-Juan!'

Our spouses (your pastors) are on call twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, for the pay of 40 hours a week IF we are lucky.  Sometimes, our spouse may not get paid, or receive a raise for years!  If it helps the church, we usually, as a ministry couple, are willing to help in any way that we can.  Yet we are being 'greedy' and 'not trusting God enough,' if we worry about finances or ask for help.

We, as the spouse and family of a pastor, are expected to not spend money on expensive clothing, yet look impeccable at all times.  We should dress fashionably, but not so up to date, that others feel as though they are beneath us.   Our children should always be on their very best behavior, and if they are not, we are considered  as 'too lenient' with them, but if we discipline them in the church, we are 'too harsh.'

We are to stay upbeat and refreshed, yet we are 'spending unwisely' if we go on a vacation once every 11 years, and 'must have TOO much money if we are seen going out to eat!

Everyone has something to say when they think your child should be off of the bottle or potty trained, but not one of those people have ever offered to come to the parsonage to help with even the simplest of tasks.

That brings us to another subject; The Parsonage. It's their home, not yours.  I've found that most do not feel that way, but some will remind you at every turn, that they have "paid for the home you live in."  It seems to some, that since we live in 'their' home rent free, we should not have any financial burdens.  Therefore, we should never be in need, because there is a roof over our heads.

So what if we can't be paid this week?  So what if little Johnny needs some new clothes or the car breaks down, or one of us needs medical assistance from the government because the church can't afford to buy insurance for us?  At least they've provided a roof over our heads, so we should have TONS of extra money for all of these other things, right?

We, as pastors spouses, are expected to be available as though we too are getting paid, and treated as though we are the hired help.

We have watched our spouses be mistreated and disrespected knowing that God is frowning over the lack of respect His called is receiving! 

We teach Sunday school, lead the choir, head up VBS, supervise the youth, spearhead programs and serve dinners. 

At the same time, some of us, like myself, home school our children, deal with a chronic illness, and take care of the home that we don't personally own.

And we are to do it ALL with a smile, grace and perfection, while dressed impeccably nice, but not TOO nice! 

I'm not disgruntled.  Truly, I'm not.  Not in the sense that you might think anyway.  You see, my husband was called to be a pastor.  I was called to be a pastors wife.  We prayed for the children we may one day have or not have, and since God gave them to us, I believe they are called to be 'PK's.'  It's not so much the things listed above that get to me, as it is the attitudes from where they came! 

You see, God CALLED us, and we work for Him.  The local church should have respect for him and his family, as the very ones God placed in your church!  We are to have respect for those in leadership above my husband, and them for those that lead them and so on. 

Hebrews 13:17 (NKJ) says, "Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account.  Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you!"

1 Thessalonians 5:12-13 (Msg Bible) "And now, friends, we ask you to honor those leaders who work so hard for you, who have been given the responsibility of urging and guiding you along in your obedience.  Overwhelm them with appreciation and love!"

Romans 10:14-15a (NKJ) "How then shall they call on Him in whom they have not believed?  And how shall they believe in Him of whom they have not heard?  And how shall they hear without a preacher?  And how shall they preach unless they were sent?"

I say ALL of this to tell you that, our mates that are your pastors, have been called by God Himself to preach and be your pastor.  Treat him or her with respect!  There will be times that you don't agree with them, and they may even make you angry.  But respect them as God's called and as the chosen person to lead you, whether you always like it or not!  Unless they have fallen, and are blatantly sinning, you need to respect them!

Also, show some appreciation for their families.  Their spouse and children sacrifice MUCH for your pastor to BE your pastor.  More than you will probably ever know.  So, show your pastor Appreciation, but show some for his spouse and children too!  Surprise them with a gift card, or a box of goodies, or a scrapbook!  Something that will show them that you are thinking about them and the sacrifices they have made for YOU as a family.

I know that the kids and I have received some pretty special things throughout the years, and we treasure those.  It's nice, at the end of a LOOONG year, to know that you too, are appreciated and loved!